Silence

I'm not the chattiest person out there but if something is on my mind, I'll tell nearly anyone willing to listen (within reason).  So imagine my surprise when I realized I've been keeping more close-mouthed than usual.  Not because I don't have the same drama (I do - sigh), but I feel like I'm getting tired of talking.  I don't want to tell all the nitty gritty details of my break up with my boyfriend.  I don't want to talk about the fact that I found 47 blocked messages from my ex husband.  I'm kind of just...done.  I don't want to focus on those if it takes my focus off my work.  I don't know if I experienced a sort of mental reboot recently or if it's because I'm exercising more or what.  And honestly...I don't care to find out.  I'm done stressing about every little detail (lol, jk). I just want to live my life, unapologetically, with no regrets, and no burdens.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Foreclosure deadline

I feel like everything I've done up to this point, everything I've endured and everything I've gone without, has been for the greater good.  I didn't want to tarnish the memory of my in-laws and their surviving family.  Who needs that news spread all across social media?!  I didn't want to have to answer any prying questions, let alone accept my part in the failed marriage and the resulting catastrophe.  But, mostly, I hate confrontation.  I've let things slide.  I have valid excuses too, of course, like how I'm so busy working all the time and I can't afford a lawyer, etc., but mostly they're just excuses. And I'm about to suffer financially for it. When I left the house, I left all the financial responsibility in the hands of my not-quite ex.  He had been paying the mortgage already, so I left it for him to continue paying.  I saw a lawyer who would not take me on because she knew it would bankrupt me and I left it be. ...
Read more

Calm

"You're just so chill compared to before." "I can't get over how organised you are; you aren't willy-nilly all over the place." "You seem calmer than you have in a long time." I made some personal decisions in the past couple weeks and have felt more purpose in my life since making those decisions than I have in a long while.  I'm choosing to go back to Church.  I haven't gone regularly since I was 22 and never felt the need.  After my boyfriend and I broke up, I realized I needed a new emotional support and I needed one that wasn't in the form of a single person who could easily slip out of my life.  I need a village to raise and protect my children.  I need my boys to feel comforted and sheltered from multiple adults.  I need for them to see happy healthy relationships in adults, both as friends and as couples.  I want them to be surrounded by kids their ages and hopefully feel the inner sense of peace and belonging that kept ...
Read more

Betrayal or paranoia?

I've never been close to my mom.  I'm not sure when it happened or when I noticed but I've always felt like she resented my existence, despite continuous exclamations about how I was the daughter she always wanted, and I can't help but feel it was my personality.  I'm an introvert and she couldn't just let me be.  I first felt suicidal at the age of 12.  I felt unwanted and like I wasn't good enough.  I was always too chicken to really do anything about it, even make a plan, but when I get stressed enough, my thoughts always go to wishing I could just disappear.  Things got worse as I got a bit older.  At the age of 16, I broke down at a bible study meeting about how I felt unloved.  Their friendship filled a void in my heart and I learned to keep my friends close.  My parents separated when I was 20, but for years before that, whenever they fought, my mom would take it out on me.  I got the impression that she was jealous that my ...
Read more