Calm

"You're just so chill compared to before."

"I can't get over how organised you are; you aren't willy-nilly all over the place."

"You seem calmer than you have in a long time."

I made some personal decisions in the past couple weeks and have felt more purpose in my life since making those decisions than I have in a long while. 

I'm choosing to go back to Church.  I haven't gone regularly since I was 22 and never felt the need.  After my boyfriend and I broke up, I realized I needed a new emotional support and I needed one that wasn't in the form of a single person who could easily slip out of my life.  I need a village to raise and protect my children.  I need my boys to feel comforted and sheltered from multiple adults.  I need for them to see happy healthy relationships in adults, both as friends and as couples.  I want them to be surrounded by kids their ages and hopefully feel the inner sense of peace and belonging that kept me sane when I was a teenager and that I yearn for again.  I want them to see me at my best and my strongest, supported by my community.

This past week has been the best week I've had in a very long time and I feel a new sense of resolve.  I still feel a sense of loss over my ex-boyfriend's betrayal but I feel like it had to happen so I could finally find the strength to stand on my own and the affirmation that I have received (actual quotes at the top) are proof that I am where I need to be and I can't wait to see what I can accomplish in the future.

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